Dating in my 30’s

The definition of dating(urban dictionary):- Of a couple, to be in the early stages of a relationship where they go out on dates to find out what each other is like, as a prelude to actually being a fully fledged couple.

Dating in my 30’s is what I call baptism by fire. It’s a jungle out here. People seem not to understand that sometimes dating might sometimes ends at friendship or nothing. It’s an art that seems to have been forgotten just like chivalry.  Isn’t it so sad? I highlight the traits I find most annoying while dating.

I find it mind boggling that a man who wants to take you on a date has no clue on where to take you. You meet this guy and it’s a ping pong of where the date will be. Then a ping pong on what to eat. Then a ping pong of where to sit. Every damn thing is a discussion. The man cannot singlehandedly make up his mind on any matter. Sigh. The person is ill prepared for the date. How now? I just don’t get it. If we are preparing even for friendship and nothing else why not put in a little effort?  Why not Google and find a good restaurant and what they offer? Or ask for a friend for their recommendation? Be prepared is all I ask. 

I am female. I am delicate. I am special. While I can change a tyre and a bulb (among other tasks), I sometimes choose not to. I want to be special. I want to be treated well, and I mean it as I write it. If you are to win even a smile from me treat me, special. Like a woman, God’s fairer sex.  And no matter how empowered I am, I still want to be a woman.

Bragging.  One of the most irritating habits that middle aged men like pushing into our ears. The nonsense of the car you drive, the money you have in the bank, the titles in your name don’t move me. I truly don’t care. It is your wealth. And by the way the truly wealthy don’t go carelessly talking about themselves. I don’t want to hear about that government tender you won. Especially so on the first date. What inadequacy makes you tell me these things? If I wanted to date your car I would most probably visit it in a garage. I promise you this, none of that impresses me. 

                                                       

And in bragging there are those who think they have been sent by God to improve me and my life. You meet me once and you are already telling me you want to change my car, hair, take me on holiday, clothes and eating habits among others? Who do you think you are? Others will keep telling you of the things they will do for you. Loose annoying random talk. If you intend to do something, do it and if you don’t intend to do it, keep quiet no one will ever know of your egoistic thoughts and have a chance to judge you unfairly (fairly!).

Guys, I know I can get myself to the venue of the date. Whether I choose to walk, drive, take a taxi or jav on a matatu. I know all this options and I will choose appropriately depending on where am venturing and for what purpose. The man who wins this for me is the old fashioned one who opts to pick me up and drop me from my aboard. He ensures I got safely home. That’s just cool.  Those elves who call three days later to find out if you got home safe are out of the game. 

If you are in the dating season in your life for heaven’s sake like yourself and act like it. How do you allow yourself to look like Mbugua of Safaricom? Unakula ukiongelesha watu? While streaming a football match on your internet you are asking for a candle to be lit so as not to waste electricity. Get a hold of yourself this is life not a game. Keep fit, dress well, keep your spirit alive, read widely/be knowledgeable. Keep yourself with it. Please be interesting.

Manners, manners, manners. I don’t know to put more emphasis on this. First and most important keep time. If you are running late please say so. And when you get to the venue keep your phone away. You can chat for the rest of your life after the date is over. Just carry yourself well. It’s not for nothing that our combined age is more than 60 years. Remember everything your Mama told you about manners e.g. chewing with your mouth closed, not winking at other girls’ e.t.c.

I am not desperate nor in a hurry to change my surname so relax. I have a lot of time on my hands, I beg God for it all the time. And yes, am a single mother of a girl who thinks that a 19 year old is a very old person (If only she knew my age). I am not looking for a father figure for her or pity partner for me. I am on a date so don’t meet me for the first time and offer to marry me or decide to judge me for being a single mother. If you can’t deal with it, move on brother. That’s me. Wangari- my lovely friend (In her 3^rd decade of life) goes for a second date with a lawyer she had met in her MBA class. Her phone rings and she talks to her daughter. The man is shocked she has a child. All he tells her is “I don’t do single mothers.” He says that in the 21 Century. We had a good laugh. What a shaded guy. That should have been the least of his worries.  Get rid of your prejudices and keep an open mind.

A date is just that a date. Like the definition said at the beginning of the post. To get to know each other before…………… In other words I don’t know you well enough to get into any hanky panky with you. So breathe out all your “evil” expectations. I am not going to do it until and if the time comes. Period.

If you have been trying to get a date with me and it has not materialized for the last 3 months- the writing is on the wall. Read it slowly and clearly. Just in case you don’t understand coded language it won’t happen. There is a reason why it hasn’t happened in the first place.

Finally don’t be lazy. A date could be on a running track, a game of lawn tennis, climbing Ngong hills, a visit to the book store e.t.c. Be creative and innovative. It makes you have a good standing in my eyes. If you are taking me to Ngong hills tell me in advance lest I appear in 6 inch heels.  There are loads of things to be done and places to be visited. A date does not have to be in a coffee shop, food court or bar. The array is limitless.  

This is my general outline of the things that irk dating at this point in my life. A lot of people unfortunately suffer more than one of the items I have highlighted. But like everything else in life extremities have opposites that you have to keep looking for. 

There are some cool men out there.

Sojourner.