Do you know that other person? I mean really know?

I am continuously disturbed by Janet’s story. The story dates back in 2006 though am hearing it for the very first time. A number of media personalities have been posting and circulating it. I guess to ensure that the victim eventually becomes a victor. I have heard of gorier stories, the only difference is because I could piece this heroic woman’s picture from 2006 to how she looks today.

Introducing Janet Mwihaki, a lady who underwent very massive domestic violence. She experienced burns(including on her mouth) that are just unexplainable. Which human being does that to another? Another being they live with? Who gives this person such a right? I have read the pieces of this woman story here and there on the internet and it is just baffling. She was the mother of the tormentor’s three children and she was barely thirty. How?

I have been churning the story in my mind for over two weeks now. In my naïve mind I would think only a stranger would do such a thing, only a mad person, I would live that to…………. am not even sure. I kept thinking, this people lived together, why didn’t she read the signs of the time? What did the lady do that was so unforgiveable that the man she referred to as her husband had to burn her (I thought burning was a punishment set aside by God for eternal punishment)?The lady was too young to have undergone such an experience.

As I continued to ponder about this saga, a friend of mine asked me how she would know whether a man she liked, liked her back. I asked absentmindedly how the man treated her, she did not know. This caught my imagination. I started the inquisition how does he look at you? ”Well, like the way he looks at everyone else”. In his list of priorities what number do you think you are? ”mmmhhh I think after his mummy, money and his boys….”. Does he keep his word without fail or with proper explanation? “It depends on his mood, weather, and boredom e.t.c”. When you really needed you “star’ to be there for you (even desperately) did he come through?”No not always, sometimes” And on and on we went. By the time we were done she was crying. This is someone she had been dating for a full five years. Even I would not like to be liked be such a person. A true friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

 Dr Phil is very clear when he says “If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be. From my conversation above and this hard advice (though am not a trained psychiatrist or counselor) I could see trouble brewing right there. Somebody did not read the signs of the time.

We need to stop making excuses for other people. Look at things the way they really are. A spoon for a spoon, a spade for a spade. When we starting bending the truth we start confining other grownups that we cannot mould to be the way we want them. This experiment normally does a total backfire. Two animals caged by their expectations is usually a recipe for total disaster.

I am not able to critically look at the upbringing of both Janet and that man (There is no other way of describing such a creature) and their predisposition to get where they did get. Am not able to tell what triggered this reaction. I just know that no human being should ever be allowed to do such a thing; the 10 years he got were too lenient. The prerogative to know you partner largely lies on you and the mercy of God make it your business to know your partner very well. Don’t be caught by surprise. If your partner still defies all humanness at one point, you will have no regret you will have done your part.

I know men (and women) of impeccable noble character. Humans who keep their word, they treat their loved as such-there would be no question of how important they were to them- who say what they mean and do what they said they would. They have their faulting but they are human who have values. I have also met men (and women) of very dubious character. Humans whose main prerogative is to defy any human logic possible, their exception to the rule is to do good. Please discern the two and remember character is real you cannot avoid it. 

I beseech you if someone is mistreating you, hits you or threatens you. Rethink your position immediately. Humans are creatures of habit. If it happens again it will happen again and again and again. And because behavior sometimes is from example expect the same behavior to be adopted by your children. Correct what you can, Reprimand where you can then run when you see fire coming.

Janet remains my hero; she defied all odds and is now looking better in her latest pictures. May God keep her well and bless her. If you take nothing else from her story, just remember that determination can take you anywhere. To imagine she says she forgave that beast, and does not even sound bitter. If that’s not character, what is?

Take care of your heart, mind and body. Nobody else will.

Sojourner.