On Sunday of last week, father’s day was celebrated by many including myself. I know a remarkable number of men including my father who have made me who I am and have shepherded several others to immeasurable greatness. They sacrificed, taught, listened, guided, provided, counseled and disciplined. That is a story for another day. I was very sad on Monday to read a friend’s facebook status “Who the hell are all this single women wishing themselves happy father day? Wasn’t mother’s day the other day?”
I was flaggerbasted. Honestly, there is such a thing as a limit. I wish him well, and wish that his wife is always there that at any one point in his entire life he never needs to play the role of a mother. I pray that life is fair to him that his wife never travels, works, gets ill, get late from work, go to evening school or whatever else.
To be a single parent is something many of us do for a variety of reasons and no one has the right to point at us and rob us the joy of being a mother and father to our children. Whether it’s by design or default. No one has a reason to.
When my daughter needs to be carried by a grown up on their shoulders, I carry her. When she needed to learn how to ride a bike I taught her. When she first held a cat and couldn’t understand the soft fur, I was there. Her first day at school, I went with her. When I tickled her until she hiccupped, I laughed with her till we both cried. When she threw her first major tantrum I was there. When my daughter was ill, I drove her to the hospital, went with her to the triage, doctor room carried her to the lab, queued for her medicine then went home with her to administer the drugs. I didn’t go to work that day. We have been together through all this and much more on our own.
Well you ask isn’t that a mother duty? I ask isn’t that a fathers duty? Isn’t a father responsible for anything in a child’s life. Pastor Simon Mbevi has written a book “Dad is Destiny The difference a father makes” and goes on to spell out the importance of a father in a child’s life. For most of the time we learn by example and children grow up thinking that their fathers are super heroes. Woe on to them if they don’t live up to their expectations. He goes ahead to say “Dad is destiny in deed he is .Father’s shadow follows you wherever you go. Whether your father is (or was) present or absent, abusive or passive, good or not so good.” And he concludes by saying to get to your true destiny you must sort all your father issues. This in my understanding is that you have to sort the relationship between you and your heavenly father(God) and your earthly father.
My friend, we father our children to bridge that gap in their life. We step into shoes bigger than our feet to ensure that our children never lack our presence, provision, protection and direction. These are the fundamentals that a father has to meet. But in his absence wouldn’t you do this? Wouldn’t you want your children to get a whole life despite the absence of a father?
I salute all women who stood up that day and toasted to themselves happy father’s day. I know from experience that it is not easy. The task comes with immense responsibility but I pray that God gives us strength and favor. That even when we look back we thank our heavenly father for having walked with us and nurtured our children to the greatness they deserve.
I repeat though belatedly. Happy father’s day to all mothers who take the extra mile of fathering their children.
Sojourner.
And my special appreciation goes to all alternative Dads’. Men who have taken to nurturing other people’s children with their best intention at heart. May God in all his abundance bless you.
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