Nairobi is the capital city of
Kenya. It is one of the fastest growing cities in Africa and plays a critical
role in the Africa is rising story. It acts as a regional hub for most business
in more than one country in Africa. It is among the preferred destination for
business in Africa which it shares with South Africa and Nigeria. Kenya is
currently ranked number one in the use of social networks in Africa.
We are obsessed with English
football league. Truly obsessed. People (And I mean men and women) talk about
the league table like their lives depended on it. In the middle of a business conversation
the Arsenal Manchester banter can just start never mind it was not on the
agenda. We name our kids and businesses Berahino, Messi, Carzola and so on. We
are obsessed with English football. On Saturday during a major game clubs go
quiet other than the usual Aaaahh and Ayeees of the fans during the game. Even
those with zero interest in the sport one has to make do with a little knowledge
of it just even for purposes of starting a conversation. Sometimes the fans
become fanatical and we record fatalities.
We like tasty food. The kind
that is roasted or deep fried. The oilier the better. I mean how can you be a
Nairobi resident and not enjoy nyama choma, chips and chicken? There are so
many fast foods in the CBD that churn loads and loads of oily chicken. We like
it otherwise why is there a fast food at every corner of the street?
We are a country with high
mobile usage-I guess that is why M-pesa is so high up there in the global
picture. We are so taken in by our phones. But this comes as a warning; do not believe
what one tells you over the phone and especially when it concerns there location.
When you call someone and they tell you “Niko hapo tu hata nakuona…..” be ready
to wait for an hour. Unless you are using GPRS to trace the whereabouts of
someone don’t dare believe when they say “Na cross barabara nikuje”. The phone
has really abused the art of keeping time. Be patient in this city we rarely keep
time.
Never ask the marital status of
anyone between the ages of 25-48. Most people seem not to be sure. I mean the
answer to the simple question is normally met with answers of laughter, people
thinking hard(As though it was a trick or exam question), others opting to
answer later, fidgeting e.t.c. Don’t ask and assume everybody is married until
you prove they are single. And I mean scientifically.
One trait Nairobians have in
common is conmanship. People will con you love, esteem, confidence, friends,
family, land, money anything. Everyone wants something from you that doesn’t
belong to them. We popularly say “ukikaa vibaya utachanuliwa”. Most people have
a story of what happened to their phone, money, posessions or heart. Someone
conned them so well they didn’t even know how it happened. You remain secretive
with the story until when you realize you are not the only one. You know that
text that reads “Mpenzi wako ako na mwingine na anakutakia mabaya” has hit a
lot of inboxes. I wonder how much money has been milked of it.
In Nairobi, you are addressed by
the way you are dressed. We mistakenly measure a man by the cloth which rests
on his body. So that a well dressed person with a phone the size of a book and
swinging a key with a key holder engraved with a high end car brand will be
given immense attention and leeway. Good clothes and a good car will allow you
to gain access anywhere even if you bought them in a thrift shop or borrowed it
respectively. Thrift shops are what the rest of us call Gikomba, Toi, Muthurwa e.t.c.
And by the way Mzungu’s fall in this category-addressed by their dress- for
them it’s the skin colour hata kama amevaa slippers.
Please don’t believe anything
you are told until you can verify it to the least common denominator. We have titanium,
bags of gold, water purifiers, blood purifiers, age restoration products and
all manner of pyramid schemes (quails?). We sell even air. We are selling plots in Kajiado, Thika, Karen
and Kinangop near the golf courses. A story is given to you until you start
melting only to later find out it was a hoax. Then there are braggarts who add
insult to the injury– children of the rich and powerful, non-liquid cash rich
people, tenderpreneurs, those with proximity to power and money and just
wannabes. The kinds who tell you they are waiting for “the” deal to go through.
It happens in perpetuity never actually realizing that which they talk about
it. Listen with both ears (take everything with a spade of salt) and be slow to
act for you are unlikely to see raw titanium in your lifetime.
Price is differentiated for
everyone. A kitenge can cost 500/=, 1,500/=, 5,500/=, 15,000, 26,500/= if you
don’t believe me check out what Carol Mandi’s kitenge cost on the May issue of
True Love. You can buy chips for 5/=, 30/=, 150/= to
1,500/= of course the name evolves as the price goes higher and higher. Same
goes for the prices of clothes shoes, electronics, schools, hotels e.t.c. I have
seen 6 cup cakes in a local supermarket that cost 2,000/=. The only thing that
I could think of was manna given to the Israelites on their sojourn as in the
flour used could have been the same. Else no explanation suffices how the cost
was derived at. You must know how much you are willing to pay for something and
never forget your bargaining power at home.
In Nairobi everyone is selling
something. Whatever you are looking/not looking for you will get. Someone knows
someone who knows someone who can get you hand bags, dresses, sandwiches, cars,
a prime plot in Karen e.t.c No Nairobian will let an opportunity go. Calls upon
calls will be made and somewhere whatever you are looking/not looking for will
be found. For genuineness it will be a game of buyer beware because after you
pay for the goods, all those someones’ who know someone become ghosts you will
never see them again. Guard your money seriously and only pay after
verification.
Nairobi is a lonely place when
you don’t have money. Try calling your friends tomorrow morning asking them to
loan you 100,000/=. Their will be as many stories as there are stars in the
sky. Money has this thing of bringing the best and the worst out of people. Oh
my money is locked in shares, am waiting for a cheque to mature, I just fixed
my car, I made a down payment on a shamba, …….the mobile subscriber cannot be
reached e.t.c It is not about you but since most people have lost money by
being conned or sold to something they didn’t want they don’t trust anyone with
their money no matter how genuine your case is and your ability to pay back the
money. So save your own 100,000/=.
Nairobi has subtropical highland
climate which is very habitable since we don’t experience extreme weather
conditions. People are warm and knowledgeable. We have an indomitable spirit to
keep going on no matter what. Highly recommended as a place to consider
residing or continue residing.
Welcome to Nairobi.
Always,
Sojourner.
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