Of love and its delusions

It was the 5^TH time Murage was calling me in the last two weeks. Two of those calls, I missed. Of the successful ones, he kept requesting that we have a meeting. Unfortunately, I was caught up with work and couldn't make it.

I am walking out of office, and there he is. Did I agree to meet him? I didn't. This must be damn important. When we are done with pleasantries he begs me to give him half an hour of my time. It is an urgent matter and cannot wait. His body language communicating the direness of whatever the matter is, I agree to the impromptu meeting.

I don't love her! I don't love her! A second after the waiter left to prepare our order (He was not waiting).

You don't love who?

Kui.

Kui your girlfriend?

Yes, I don't love her at all!

I opt to keep quiet to first understand the outburst. Also to reorganize my thoughts. I had not figured what possibly Murage would be looking for me for.

Murage had been dating Kui for about two years. Both were my mutual friends. We grew up in the same neighborhood with Murage. Kui I met through Murage. Both sober people in love. And then this tirade.

His onslaught continues of why his relationship with Kui is doomed to fail. At the back of my mind I remember their wedding been mentioned more than once.  I let him vent. And he was on a roll. Saying all manner of things some that even I, ought not to know. He was possessed!

I listened without interrupting. I wondered why he was sharing his love life woos with me. Indeed we were friends, but wasn't I the wrong candidate? Even then, I listened. Walking out of my childhood friend was not an option.

Twenty five minutes later, he keeps quiet (I didn't know men are capable of such long personal speeches). I needed to tell you that he concludes, because you know me and have a way of viewing love without hang-ups (How did he decide that?). I want you to give me your opinion on the matter.

I look at him and ask why he choose me and not his boys, or sister or heck even visit a psychiatrist? He answers that all of them would have biases! Even the doctor? Oh, that one would ask me what I think and want and I already know. I don’t love this woman and I want an opinion of a woman how I can go round it.

I start feeling a coldness of sorts in my heart. I felt like crying for Kui who probably did not have an idea what Murage felt about her or if she did pretended she did not know. I wanted to cry, a heartbreak was coming and in my opinion it was going to be messy. I sat there and put myself in her shoes and of all those women who are with men who don’t love them but live with them. I thought she was lucky somewhat though to have this man who could articulate the fact that he only liked the girl as a friend and nothing more. He did not want to spend his life with her!

I ask why him he just hasn’t moved from the relationship. His answer is concise and clear that it could split a calabash into two equal halves. I have never once told this woman I love her. I have never asked her to move in with me. I do not treat her any more special than the other women I know. And the more I distance myself from her, the more she smothers me with her love. She makes sacrifices to a point I think she is psychotic. And this makes me dislike her even more. She cannot exchange love from me with those things! Why not move then? Because she doesn’t get it, she will come after me. Anywhere.

I don’t want to destabilize my life. I am happy with my family, friends, job and where I live. She needs to leave my territory. Isn’t that expecting too much from someone who you have tagged along for two years? Well she should have seen this coming. I have tried telling in a subtle manner, then a kind manner, then a harsh and loud manner. She just will not listen. She even started people we are getting married! I will not marry her now or ever.

I ask again, are you talking of Kui? Yes. I thought you guys were mutually dating? No. The thing is, she acts in a manner to suggest so. Sometimes she literally follows me to where I am. Am having a drink and boom there she is. This is crazier than I thought. Like I tell all those caught in love triangles:-

1.       I am not an expert at love. I have failed severally.

2.       I am not a psychiatrist, counselor or love doctor better seek for professional help.

3.       When the time comes seek a lawyer, private investigator or police.

 After this he just kept quiet starring at his coffee. In my mind all manner of images started flashing in my mind-crimes of passion (and they have increased lately especially of younger people). Did they start like this? Did Kui cross Murage’s line between love and hate? I looked at his eyes and they were extremely cold. This man was not joking, he did not like this woman. I started shifting in my seat- I was now clutching at a straw, why me? Like he was reading my mind he tells me that all his boys know. He was not going to end up with that woman no matter what!

Love is work. It needs effort and discipline from both parties. It must be deliberate. Both of you must agree you want it. No amount of sacrifice, bribes or gifts can coerce another person to you. And understandably you can love a person and they opt not to love you back for absolutely no reason. And one can seemingly love you today and the next day they don’t! Love is universal and can be understood by all even infants who can’t speak or do much for themselves-notice how they are generally pulled to those who are kind to them? I think we need to be more gracious to ourselves when it come love. Even Jesus loved us while we were yet sinners and went ahead to die for us.

That was all I could tell Murage and strongly advised him to seek the help of a professional.

If you see Kui tell her………………………………..

Sojourner,