Half of a girl?

The Nigerian Civil War also referred to as the Biafra war occurred between  1967 – 1970. It was an ethnic and political conflict caused by the attempted secession of the South-eastern provinces of Nigeria as the self-proclaimed republic of Biafra. Please do not stop reading. Allow and forgive me as I explain that am in no means writing about that war. But that the novel “Half of a yellow sun “that this article is based on was set in that period.

It is a very interesting novel that brings to light through imaginary characters of the events that occur in a civil war. The story is set around two sisters Olanna and Kainene and the relationships that mill around most of their life and the war at hand. The author puts such life into her characters that sometimes I think if I met Olanna though imaginary, I would recognize her. The story we learn at the end is written by Ugwu, Olanna and the “mad” professor Odenigbo houseboy. When he started working for them he had no formal literacy at all. The writer of the story is disguised that all along I thought the writer was Richard.

What fascinates me most about this novel is how the author looks at the roles, responsibilities and sacrifices women take during periods of war. This two girls are born of a wealthy father who is a government official. You can tell for sure, he enriches himself from kickbacks arising from government contracts. Their mother is another pot of fish all together. Her work is to spend money e.g. on bottles and bottles of perfume. Olanna actually imagines that they could last her a lifetime. The woman is so selfish that she chooses not to breastfeed her children but looks for a wet nurse to do so. The women in their village believe she is cursed. Even in the middle of war their mother is so concerned about her jewelry and actually escapes with it. When the war is severe she beseeches her daughter’s to abandon Nigeria and join her abroad. 

Kainene on the other hand is an astute entrepreneur who follows in her father shoes to make even more money. She is generally cold. She is also unforgiving to her sister who in a trying period errs with Richard. We never get to know whether she really loves Richard or the Nigerian soldier. That is left to your imagination. You cannot tell about Kainene you don’t know whether to like or dislike her. Her actions are not the usual.

Enter Olanna (Kainene’s twin) the soft beautiful one. She is likeable and the sacrifices she makes for Odenigbo are just admirable. She decides to live the mantra Kenyans like “Kama mbaya, mbaya”. She settles for love. She opts to follow Odenigbo and all he stands for. Even when her beloved husband sires a child with the illiterate village girl provided by his mother she still stands for him and raises the child. Perhaps because she cannot get any of her own or the pity she has for the young girl who doesn’t want the baby.

Olanna is the character I narrow down. The girl raised (real or imagined) to sought of tailor make her dreams to fit into the dreams of the man she chooses to settle down with. I have thought about this character for a long time. She reminds me of me, of my mum, of my sisters, of my nieces, of my cousins, of my aunties, of my grandmothers , of my female friends and the generation of African women I know. Of the women who are told repeatedly in mother tongues “Mutumia ni gutumia” directly translated as “A woman is silence”. That a woman should not speak up so that she is not judged as nagging, complainer, too ambitious or even as mad. Women are not heard but seen, this has been passed down for generations. Olanna, had studied up to the university level in one of the finer universities abroad.

A couple of years ago I sat in a gathering of friends and one told us “If my husband is cheating on me, I don’t want to know. And if any of you knows and even has evidence please do not tell me.” I have never forgotten that moment. The truth of the matter is, the guy had been cheating on her for several years and everyone knew other than her. When Olanna’s family moves to a “plot where they share social amenities’ there is a fragile girl who lives there. A neighbor warns Olanna about the closeness her husband shares with the girl. Olanna had gone out of her way to be kind to her. The lady seems hesitant to tell her the whole truth, Ugwu also knows what is going on. Olanna doubts them until delicate lady is bereaved and Odenigbo carries her with such familiarity that he must have carried her before. When she tells Kainene, She answers her and I rephrase “The man is not a god, he can also fall. I pray that it is true so that you learn he is also a man.” A lot of us like to think that the men we choose to end up with are ‘gods”.

This brings me to an argument I have had with several different people. Can a woman be single, childless and whole (I might add and not lonely)? I have heard so many varied answers to this question. Sometimes am amused, annoyed, silenced and even angered at the answers I get. My answer has always been a resounding yes. And this also holds true for a married woman with or without children. This idea that a woman is made whole and complete by children or a man is not true. The decision to have them can become a blessing or a curse. Most women just want to fulfill what they have been brought to think is the ultimate mark of a woman. 

A good number of women go round in circles searching for a man and/or a child to be complete. To stop answering the question When? When you turn 30 the when questions increase tenfold. When will you get hitched? When will you get a child? When will you get a second child? When will you go for a checkup so we can establish why you can’t conceive a child? When? When? When? You are defined by those two parameters. Suddenly, everybody even wants to assist you in acquiring them. Isn’t it funny that after 24 or so years of being told to avoid boys and babies all of a sudden everyone wishes that you had them?

I think we should give our girls and women a breather. Allow us to choose what we would like to define us. Teach us and allow us to love ourselves. To love us to an extent that we can make hard choices.  That we can choose celibacy or opt not to have children. That we can choose to be wives and mothers and opt not to be career women. That we can also be career women as well as mothers and wives. . That it is okay to pursue education, careers and traveling relentlessly. That the ultimate decision truly lies with us. And nobody should guilt us for choosing our desired path.

Sojourner.

Half of a yellow sun is a very interesting read by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. I encourage you to read it and understand her outlook. 

“We raise girls to cater for the fragile egos of men. We teach girls to shrink themselves smaller. We tell girls “you can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful, but not too successful, otherwise you will threaten the man………

We teach girls shame-close your legs, cover yourself! We make them feel as though by being born female they’re already guilty of something. And so girls grow to be women who cannot see they have desire. They grow up to be women who cannot say what they truly think. And they grow up-and this is the worst thing we do to girls-they grow up to be women who turn pretense into an art form.”

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.